You walk into a crowded restaurant alone. As you sit down, you fidget in the seat, sensing the judging glances from other customers. Suddenly, a hard object pokes against your thigh. It is your phone. Relieved, you pull it out and begin to scroll social media. The uncomfortable feeling slowly disappears.

Being alone in public feels weird. You may get nervous because you worry about how others think of you or you may feel lonely because everyone has others with them. However, learning to enjoy our own company is an important life skill.

The difference between being alone and lonely

What comes to mind when you hear the word “alone”? Many people think of loneliness, isolation, or having no friends. Society often associates having many friends with success and happiness, while being alone is viewed as strange and unwanted.

Nonetheless, being alone and being lonely are not the same thing. “Alone” is a neutral word, which means that no one else is currently with you. Loneliness is an emotional state that is marked by sadness and disconnection. A person can feel lonely even when surrounded by others.

Reasons why people fear being alone

To begin with, humans are born with a desire to connect with others, and these relationships support our mental well-being. So, when we are alone, our brain screams loudly and senses danger because we are not “connected” to anyone. As a result, when we are away from the crowd, our brain pushes us to interact with others, including using social media.

Another reason why people are afraid of being alone is social judgment. Society creates the impression that being alone means you are unwanted. What would happen if you told your friends you’re going to watch a movie by yourself? They may think you are weird. Fear of others’ opinions and fear of doing activities on your own stops us from doing what we want to do. Rather than going out by ourselves, people choose to stay at home because they’re afraid of how others perceive them.

Benefits of being alone – positive solitude

One of the benefits of being alone is to focus more on ourselves. When we are with others, we can’t help but care about them. Therefore, we may cater to their choices and neglect ours. For example, you want to stay at an exhibition longer, but your friend wants to leave. However, if you are alone, you can do whatever you want to without caring about what someone else wants to do.

Another benefit of being alone is that it helps you gain confidence. Let’s say you want to go see a movie but no one is free to go with you. So, you pluck up your courage and go out on your own. At first, you feel strange while walking alone, thinking that everyone is noticing you. However, you realize gradually that no one cares about what you are doing. It turns out that people generally only pay attention to themselves. In short, enjoying our own company makes us worry less about what other people think of us and strengthens our confidence.

Steps for solitude practice

Before I got used to being alone, I still felt strange while hanging out with myself. Therefore, I created a procedure about organizing a solo outing. Thanks to my procedure, I now enjoy my own company. Here are my steps:

1. Scheduling
   Imagine you are going on a date. Book a nice restaurant, or a movie you are interested in, and pick the best clothes you have. Plan every detail if you need.
2. Mental preparation
   Weird though it may feel, you are really on a date, except your date is yourself. Don’t worry too much about how people will perceive you because no one is actually noticing you.
3. Carry out the plan
   Go straight forward to the door, hop on the metro or car, and enjoy your date. Focus on yourself. Feel the thoughts and emotions that you have neglected for a while, and observe the world like you are a curious toddler.
4. Don’t quit
   When you hang out with yourself, you may feel lonely. Don’t pull your phone out immediately. Let those thoughts wander in your mind and think about them. The whole point of a solo outing is to concentrate on your feelings.

When the date ends, you could find yourself recharged or you could feel uncomfortable. The former means you like the trip, while the latter demonstrates you are not used to being alone and that you need more practice.

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In this hyper-connected world, we are always surrounded by others. The fear of being lonely stops us from doing what we want to do and makes us cater to others. However, being alone is useful since we can focus more on ourselves and gain confidence. When we stop running away from solitude, we may discover that our own company is not something to fear, but something worth appreciating.