Since the first time monkeys came out of trees, teenage girls have craved attention from boys. Girls love it when boys notice and like them, whether in a friendly way or a romantic way. They care about what boys think.

In this context, I probably shouldn’t be using “them”, because I, too, am a teenage girl, and I used to fit this description. I loved attention from boys. Getting attention from boys made me feel superior to others.

But that was before some words struck me. Someone called me a male validation seeker.

Those words shocked me. I had never thought about it in that way before, and after I did, I was disgusted by myself. From that day on, I tried not to care what boys thought of me anymore, and my efforts gradually paid off. If you find yourself caring too much about what boys think, you should try to knock it off too. Here’s why:

Are you a sucker for male attention?

Before I begin my argument, let’s see if you’re a male validation seeker.

I think it’s fair to say that everyone wants to be liked, and that does not make you a male validation seeker. However, if you change how you look, how you talk, and how you express yourself just to fit in what “boys” like — sorry to break it to you, but you’re a male validation seeker. Bonus points if someone has ever told you that you act differently when there are boys around.

After reading this article, I hope I can change your view on whether boys’ opinions matter or not because after you realize they don’t matter at all, you’ll see how you’ve been changing yourself in the past just to fit in with a boy’s expectations.

Unattainable standards

The first reason why you shouldn’t care what boys think is that they have unrealistic standards, and they project them onto the girls around them. Boys usually have their own favorite celebrities and they set celebrities as their expectation.

It’s hard to look like a celebrity. In fact, I’d say it’s close to impossible, especially for teen girls. We are much younger, and we can’t naturally look like celebrities at this age. Also, some celebrities have had plastic surgery, which can deceive boys if they think they haven’t had plastic surgery.

Their opinions about how you look don’t matter

I used to care so much about how I looked, especially for boys. But do you really want to work hard and try and fit in their standards just so they could look at you and go, “she’s hot”? When a guy finds out you try so hard just for them to notice you, they will probably only think of you as a hot face and a hot body.

That does seem nice when you look at it that way, but boys are immature, and they probably won’t want to spend time getting to know you or who you are. If you’re okay with that, if you’re okay with being someone they look at when they want to, well then good for you, but I don’t think that’s good in the long run. Instead, you should just stop trying to fit in with their standards.

That doesn’t mean stop trying to look good, because everyone tries to look good, but don’t look good for a boy, look good for yourself.

I cared a lot about how boys perceived me, and I did try to change myself at some point. My motivation for dressing up, for looking good, was for validation. But as I grew out of that mindset, I realized how sick that is. The only person you should try hard for is yourself because the opinions of most other people don’t matter. They never mattered. So what if they don’t like how you look? Who cares? What matters is if you like how you look.

Inner beauty is more important

I know this is a cheesy line, and some people say that it’s not true, but I truly believe it. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care how you look at all, but instead of trying to please boys with appearance, what if you charm them with who you are? If you did succeed in charming them, then they are probably good guys who never cared too much about appearance in the first place.

In one of my classes, I’m friends with a girl who I think is pretty. However, she isn’t the most popular in the class — another girl is. When we talk about our class, she always points out how she thought she could effortlessly become the most popular, because she knows she’s very pretty too. However, the truth is she’s not. The most popular girl in that class isn’t as pretty as her, but she has a great personality, and people genuinely like to talk to her, boys and girls.

Inner beauty matters. And I know that you can maintain both inner and outer beauty, but while you’re desperately trying to seek male validation, remember to remind yourself that you shouldn’t change who you are just for a boy to like you. It is nice to change for the better rather than changing for external validation.

And that brings us to the next reason not to care what boys think.

You shouldn’t change who you are for validation

Has anyone ever told you that “you act differently around boys”? Well, you shouldn’t be hearing that. If a guy actually liked you, you wouldn’t have to change yourself for him. Also, why would you want to gain validation from changing who you are? Other than a moment of happiness, you gain nothing, and it disappears quickly. I could go into describing what a male validation seeker who’s completely changed who she is is like, but I think that is very similar to a “pick me girl”, and there is an article discussing that already.

Furthermore, if they talk to you only after you change who you are, spoiler alert: they don’t actually like you. They probably like how you would change everything just for them. Sadly, in many cases, they just think of you as a target. I don’t think anyone would want this, which is why you shouldn’t change who you are just for validation.

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Some girls allow guys to say really inappropriate things to them, or even touch them, just for validation. It’s sad to think that girls would go all out just for male validation. It’s not wrong to want someone to like you, but you certainly shouldn’t change yourself, appearance or personality, because you shouldn’t care what boys think. Their thoughts don’t matter.

I know validation can feel good and make you feel superior, but you really shouldn’t change who you are just so a guy would call you hot. You don’t need them to tell you how good you are. Their expectations are usually built around unreachable goals, and they are shallow anyways. It feels good, but if you ever stepped outside of that zone, you’d see how ridiculous you look as you do so. So stop caring about what boys think — you’ll be much happier when you do.