In high school, it can feel like being popular is everything. The people who seem to have their lives together are the teens with tons of friends, hundreds of likes on their social media posts, and who always get invited to parties. But behind the popularity is a lot of pressure. 

Trying to become and stay popular can harm our mental health, even if being popular makes us look “cool” for a while. 

What does it mean to be popular at school?

I made a survey and asked my classmates to share their opinions on what it means to be popular and what makes someone popular. Most students agree that being popular isn’t just about good looks or social media followers. It’s about personality and how you interact with others. The majority of students said being friendly, outgoing, and confident are the biggest factors that make someone popular. 

On the other hand, being mean, too shy, or having poor social skills were reasons why someone might not be popular. Some respondents believe popularity affects self-esteem, while others feel it won’t matter a lot in the future. Overall, students from my school see popularity as being able to be friendly and confident in a way that makes others enjoy being around you. 

Why do teens want to be popular so badly? 

Teenagers want to feel like they belong. According to Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development, adolescence is all about “identity and role confusion.” During this period, teens start to ask the question of “Who am I?” and “What do I want to be?” They become more conscious of how others see them. This is a confusing time for teens because they may not know where they fit in yet. Teenagers often look to the people around them to help shape their identities. 

Movies and TV shows also make popularity look like the ultimate goal. For example, in Mean Girls, Regina George is the queen of her school, and in Gossip Girl, characters like Blair Waldorf and Serena Van Der Woodsen are always the center of attention. 

These shows make it seem like popular characters have all the fun and have more power to influence the people around them. Because of what teens see on TV or in movies, some kids think they need to be popular to feel confident or happy. 

The negative effects of popularity in high school

Even though being popular may seem like fun, it can be stressful. Popular students often feel the pressure to be perfect, especially online. Posting the best photos, getting lots of likes, and always being “put together” can be tiring. This pressure can lead to anxiety, stress, and depression. 

A study by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development found that larger friend groups are connected with higher social anxiety during high school years. In contrast, smaller, closer friend groups help teenagers increase their self-worth and decrease anxiety and depression. Teenagers who prioritize creating intimate friendships are also better at developing social skills. 

Having strong social ties can reduce feelings of loneliness, which studies show is connected with lifespan. A study from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science found that the risk of mortality increased by 91 percent among socially isolated people or people who don’t have “real” friends. 

Why High School Popularity Doesn’t Guarantee Success

Being popular in high school doesn’t mean you will be successful in the future. Think of characters like Nate Archibald from Gossip Girl; he was being “chased” in high school, and he still suffered from relationship drama, bad decisions, and drug abuse later on in life. 

Some teens are popular because they have positive interactions, which are often referred to as “likability.” Others are popular because they have power or social status, which are called “status popularity.” High-status popularity teens are those who are seen to be influential and dominant among their peers. According to researchers, teens with high-status popularity are more at risk for long-term problems. 

When popularity is all about status, teens will grow up still thinking that the way to succeed or get what they want in life is by being controlling, dominating, and constantly focusing on their social status. 

This means that teens will believe that power might be more important than creating authentic relationships with people, and they will continue to be domineering as adults. 

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High school is a time to have fun with friends and figure out who you are as a person. You shouldn’t worry about trying to impress everyone around you. The world we live in makes popularity seem like a big deal, but it doesn’t last forever. What really matters is being kind, fun to be around, and making close friends. 

Don’t stress if you don’t have a big friend group or if you don’t get invited to all the cool parties. Focus on making friends who care about you. In the end, those are the relationships that will last.