Dear Mom and Dad, 

My brain is a huge ball of yarn – my thoughts are tangled up with one another. However, disentangling it isn’t so hard. 

I know that you might think teens are too grumpy to open their hearts to anyone, but parents only need to be more patient with us and give us support in our down times. 

I want to take the opportunity to share my stories and opinions without your critical comments.

Teens are emotionally unstable

Teenagers are infamous for their mood swings. You think teenagers value privacy, but parents never make an effort to empathize with our emotions. You tend to shy away because you are too afraid to set off an emotion bomb inside of us. We may keep our thoughts to ourselves, but we value attention and support more.

Here’s one story about me and you, Dad. After a long day of three quizzes and teachers nagging nonstop, the bell finally rang. I grabbed my backpack, put on my earphones, blasted some Taylor Swift, and slammed the car door as I hopped into your car. 

Now, my friend would have caught onto my bad mood, but your first reaction was: “Why did you slam the door?” Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I explained my terrible day at school, hoping for some sympathy. Instead, you asked, “What did you get on your quizzes? You better not have failed.” 

I replied as politely as I could: “You’d just yell at me if I told you.”  

Though I do think I was somewhat disrespectful due to my terrible mood, you could have sympathized more after I reasoned with you. Dad, if you had a long day at work and an annoying boss, I would understand if you wanted to complain about it too.

When parents and children are in situations like this, communication and mutual understanding are more effective than criticism. Teens tend to shut themselves off because we think no one can understand us, and being unduly critical of us only proves us right. Instead, being a patient listener makes us feel more at ease to make mistakes and willing to communicate.

Teens need more time

You spend too much time making me sit on the couch and lecturing for two hours about my college application.

The two most important things to you are your jobs and my college applications. Whenever we settle in the living room, you start a lengthy speech on college requirements. With upcoming exams and competitions on my mind, I cut you off and ask to return to my studies, pointing out that I’m already familiar with what you are going to tell me. 

You see me as disrespectful, and proceed to talk for another two hours about the importance of respect.

As cliche as it sounds, everyone only has 24 hours a day. With eight hours of school and hours more of studying and extracurriculars, we need time to ourselves. You should be patient and give me the chance to finish my schoolwork. After I am finished with my work, I would be much more willing to discuss my college applications with you.

School is a big deal for teens

Teenagers face lots of pressure. Our lives are not just about studying. We also deal with social expectations, peer pressure, personal appearance pressure, and lots more.

On a typical school day, I start my morning cramming for quizzes. Then I catch up with my best friend on the latest gossip. By the end of the day, my mind is packed with assignments, club meetings, and reminders to respond to friends’ messages.

You may believe that the pressure we encounter is child’s play compared to the “real world.”

However, school shapes our personalities, fashion preferences, and motivation to succeed. Maintaining good grades, reputation, and appearance is a full time job for us. When we are still trying to find our identity, you should give us space and time to explore the world on our own. Although we may drift apart from you, this is the process of growing up.

Most parents in Taiwan see concerns about friendships and appearance as distractions. In reality, teens will continue to care about their appearance and friendships no matter what parents say. This creates a vicious cycle where teens seek support, parents push back, and teens become insecure about what to do. No matter how unwilling the teens and parents are, sitting down and talking things out is important. 

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We teenagers want more understanding from parents. 

Balancing schoolwork with the pressure to maintain a likable character at school is tiring, so we need some time to unwind and relax. 

You can encourage us to share our day rather than yelling at us for being cranky. I can guarantee that compassion and open communication makes for a more peaceful and happy family. 

Mom and Dad, I would always love to talk to you about my life at the right time. I am in need of someone who can give me valuable advice also. When I am not busy with my schoolwork and when Dad isn’t working, we should definitely sit on the sofa, drink hot cocoa, and talk.

Lots of love, 

Emily