Many people refer to Asian parents as “tiger parents”. The phrase “tiger parents” was popularized in Amy’s Chua’s Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, where Chua explains the benefits of tiger parenting and details her experience tiger parenting her two daughters. However, if you read the book, you will see that tiger parenting is toxic.

Tiger parenting is a trendy term for child abuse. The harm it causes doesn’t just fade as time passes; many emotional scars can stay with the children forever.

Tiger parenting destroys kids’ self-esteem and mental health

Tiger parents prioritize children’s achievement above everything else.

Tiger parents force their children to participate in a host of activities because the parents feel doing so is in the best interest of their kids. However, many tiger-parented children end up missing out on a happy childhood and mental well-being.

When kids don’t meet their parent’s expectations, tiger parents blame and shame them, disregarding their children’s effort and feelings, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and even suicide. This is child abuse because it neglects the basic emotional support children need.

Moreover, constant pressure to be the best creates a vicious cycle of competition. When people around them succeed, tiger-parented children feel worthless because they grow up learning that their achievements define their worth. Then, they become jealous and resentful instead of feeling happy for others’ success. Some self-sabotage as they give up on themselves, while others struggle to maintain healthy relationships.

Tiger parenting creates good liars

Children raised by tiger parents often become good at lying. For the child of a tiger parent, the only way to protect themselves and escape strict control was to learn to lie. The stricter tiger parents are, the better liars the kids become. However, many tiger parents don’t realize that their strict control causes their children to lie more regularly.

Tiger parenting doesn’t help kids in the long term

While tiger-parented kids may appear more mature, obedient, and have better grades, they often struggle later in life.

Tiger parenting is built on fear. When kids obey their parents out of fear of harsh punishment, they struggle to think independently and creatively. Growing up, their creative ideas and independent thinking were replaced by the need to fulfill their parents’ expectations.

As a result, tiger kids have trouble making their own decisions. Normal parenting allows children to make some decisions and to learn from their mistakes, while tiger parenting denies kids that opportunity, so they never learn to make choices or handle failure.

Moreover, kids raised by tiger parents often struggle to develop social skills. Some kids of tiger parents become bullies, mimicking the aggression they have learned at home. Others develop a victim mentality, too afraid to stand up for themselves.

What should you do if you have a tiger parent?

If you have a parent who is a tiger mom or dad, try to talk to them about what you want in life. That may be difficult because tiger parents want kids to follow their plans, but you can still try.

If that doesn’t work, and you feel like your parents are damaging your mental health, talk to people you trust, such as teachers or counselors. They may be able to talk to your parents or give you advice, encouragement and support when facing stress.

If that still doesn’t work, you can decide whether following your passions is worth rebelling against your parents for. Some parents control out of selfishness, while others impose what they believe is best. Both can stop you from pursuing your interests, so if you’re committed to a goal, pursue it. Once you demonstrate that your choice brings happiness and growth, many parents will eventually accept it.

Remember, no matter how well your parents claim to know you, they aren’t you. If your time with them only causes emotional harm, distancing yourself from them may be a wise choice.

In the end, prioritize your goals and well-being. It’s your life, so live a happy one.

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Tiger parenting is common in Asian families, but it is also a traumatic childhood experience. We need to recognize that tiger parenting is child abuse, and this abuse in the name of love needs to stop.