“I am sorry” is a common phrase that most parents teach their kids when they learn to talk. People make mistakes, and everyone will have to apologize to someone at some point.

However, it’s hard to apologize since no one likes to admit when they are wrong. Saying sorry can be uncomfortable and sometimes painful. Many people find apologizing challenging because they feel shame and guilt.

Still, apologizing is necessary because it allows you to fix the relationships. When apologizing you are telling people that you care about them and you regret hurting them.

As mentioned, apologies are necessary in daily life, but it is still hard to say. Here are some of the reasons why.

We have a fear of rejection and losing relationships

As we grow older, we care more about what others think of us, and we become more afraid of receiving cold responses after our apologies. Rejection is embarrassing to most people. This is because when people apologize, it usually means that they did something wrong.

For example, when I was in sixth grade I was assigned to finish a science project with my best friend Clara. Because there was not much time we chose to separate the work. I would collect the data and Clara would do the experiments. Then we could finish the essay together.

However, I later found out that Clara thought I was the one who had to do the experiments; by the time I found out, it was too late. I was furious at her and we had a big argument. After I calmed down I realized that I said many mean things about her and I needed to apologize. Yet, I was scared that she wouldn’t accept my apology so I decided to pretend as if nothing happened. After the science project we didn’t speak to each other for years.

Eventually I happened to run into Clara again. To my surprise she told me that she had already forgiven me after that incident but was also scared to apologize. After I thought about it I regretted not apologizing to her in the first place. Maybe we’d be best friends now if we had just apologized to each other.

Therefore, you shouldn’t be afraid of losing a relationship with an apology. Based on my experience, when you apologize, you have a better chance of fixing the relationship.

We fear losing “face” and admitting our wrongdoings

“Face” (面子, miàn zi) in Chinese culture is an important aspect of respect, honor, and social status, and it is not something that is put aside lightly. People care about their “face” and are scared that they will be looked down on, so many people would rather lose a friend or a relationship than lose face by apologizing.

Also, in Chinese culture, we are taught that if you apologize first then you are the “loser” of the argument, which is embarrassing. For example, when couples argue oftentimes both refuse to apologize because they think that the person who apologizes is the “loser”, and the other side is the “winner”. People care so much about who is the winner that they refuse to apologize.

Once I was with my friend Anna and a group of people we weren’t that familiar with. A guy made a joke about Anna and at that moment I didn’t know Anna felt offended by the joke, so I laughed along.

Later, when I wanted to talk to her, she ignored me. I realized that she was mad at me. However, I refused to apologize because I didn’t want to admit that I had been careless and mean. After that incident, she stopped talking to me. I realized that I needed to apologize to her to save the friendship. I called her and apologized for being careless. I should have cared more about her feelings.

In the end, Anna forgave me and told me that she was hurt because she thinks I betrayed her by laughing with those other people. After I apologized, our friendship got better. Still, it was hard to apologize since it took a risk to admit my mistakes.

To be the first to apologize isn’t easy; the process is uncomfortable, especially when we feel like we may lose “face” by admitting our weaknesses. However, an apology is important because it is the only way to repair a damaged relationship. By admitting our mistakes, expressing regret, and asking for forgiveness, we can show our friends that we care about their feelings, which is way more important than “face”.

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Saying “I’m sorry” can be difficult and uncomfortable, because it needs bravery and humility to admit that you’re wrong and that you’ve hurt your friends, family, and loved ones’ feelings. However, apologies are also powerful because they reveal people’s weaknesses and show that you love and care for the people you’ve hurt.

By apologizing, we show we regret our hurtful actions and that we are our willing to take responsibility for our wrongdoings. Also, through apologizing, we can learn from our mistakes and make sure that we don’t repeat them.

In the end, apologizing isn’t easy. Yet, by apologizing we can heal, maintain, and grow healthy relationships with the people we love. Therefore, next time, when you are struggling about apologizing to your loved ones, don’t hesitate to do it, because apologies have the power to fix and build relationships that bring joy and fulfillment to your life.